Living For Me


Living in the moment
Thought I was spent
Not quiet where I had planned
Over my life I have scanned

Now I know
Where I must go
Always putting other first
To the point I thought i was going to burst

For once I am putting others on the back burner
This is a life turner
No longer going to simply please others
I can't live just taking care of others

Today first comes me
I don't care others, this they might see
I have put the desires of another before my own
Since I was a small child this I have done

Now is my turn
To go after what my soul and heart does yearn
Follow my dreams that many years I laid on a shelve
Did it for love

Now I know if this love is true
This will not make him blue
True love supports
Through this he should be my fort

Now is my time
Up this hill I will climb
No longer living in regret
On this I am set

This is a fight
For me to shine my light
Support me through this walk
Or I will put you in park

Stand by me or leave my life
 I am no longer going to play it safe
Of this it is a must
If not I will leave you in the dust

So now into a new start I will go
Matter which way the wind does blow
With me will you stay
Or will the price will you pay

The choice is yours
This dream can be ours
Or this Dream can be mine alone
Either way in the end I know I will have won




Copy-written by: Sandra L. Pottorff

Words To Give

Yes, in me you will find pride

Of this I can not hide

I am ready to share my word

Far and wide

The time has come

To this there in an indefinite sum

To this my heart beats like a drum

With this comes an amazing freedom

In me words have been inspired

Thoughts have been required

My spirituality and life this has sired

Recently in me something has transpired

Feelings renewed

All in me that has stewed

No longer is a skewed

All of the true me has been renewed

Some may criticize

This I do realize

But matter what it's size

I know my prize

To myself be true

Not matter the lure

For myself, my soul I got the cure

Of this I am sure

A voice is whispering in my ear

One saying I have nothing to fear

Out of my heart he pulled the spear

He holds me dear

So let them say nay, nay

Let some say my words go way

But from what of me he want I will not stray

So these words or here to stay

I am stronger

Feeling a lone no longer

So for what I hunger

It will no longer in the distance linger

It is my time

To shout out my words to chime

I am not at my prime

In this my future in sublime

So listen well

This I do tell

With his wisdom I do over swell

To all I do compel

I have much to share

Nothing I will spare

From here on I do declare

My words and his I will share

©Sandra L. Pottorff

A Love Story

                                                  

We were young

Not much more than a child

We thought we knew it all then some

We set out to conquer the world

For to us it was us against the world

Yes you were young but I was younger

We came from two different worlds

Your world full of love

My world full of hate

Your world full of peace

My world filled with violence

We were different for the most

In only one way we were really the same

But with time that would change

I was younger in years but wiser in life

Others said for me you had nothing to offer

But they were wrong

You had something I never had

A humans love, A humans touch

A touch that showed so much love

Gentle, and sweet

But yet intoxicating

Others did not understand

In us I knew there was a bigger plan

To me you had been sent to show love

To you I had been sent to teach of another side of life

A side you would never see or live

But needed to know did and does exist.

Our two worlds, they did collide 

Apart we would never again be

Together we would learn

Each other we would teach

So out on the journey of life we did set

With full force life we did meet

Times were not always easy

Some times life set us off track

But together we always found our way back

Now together all these years later we still stand

Us being more than lovers, more than friends

We are something that only time can transcend

But here and now we remain

We have faced together many a trial and test

Made a few errors

But won many battles and will win the war

Together through it all

In the midst of it all

We have found hope

We have found peace

We have found immeasurable love
Together we are and will always be

© Sandra  L. Pottorff

LOVE STORY UNTOLD

  There is a love story here to be told. But for many years it has going untold.  It is a love story that does not grow old. It is worth much more than any amount of gold. 

   Now I must tell you this story one and all. I can no longer put it on stall. For this love story and no other should go untold.

    Listen close now to this love tale. That I for the first time am about to reveal.  It is not my own. But demands to be known.

   A young girl and a young boy did first meet. They weren't on any date. But it indeed was very late. They were each out with friends. Not looking for love. On this one thing you can depend.  In each other they saw nothing. At least nothing beyond the physical. Yes, they thought each other was kind of cute. But no part of their hearts were involved. Not one single tiny bit. 

   As for falling in love they had no desire.  So to them this was mute. The girl was not ready to fall in love. The boy wanted nothing to do with falling in love. For he had games he yet wanted to play. Also wars he wanted to win.

   But one cold winter’s night while on a ski trip with some friends. The boy and Girl together did play a game.

   Then the very next morning they each went their own way.

   The girl off to finish college. The boy off to war in a far away land.

   They both had their plans.  A map of their life they felt laid before them. And at least for now love had no place where they stood.

   But games they each had played. So nine months later for the girl a baby did come.

   By then the boy was a man fighting a war in a far away land.

    The girl was now quickly becoming a woman. She was raising a baby boy named Brandon, Jr. on her own. Still trying to finish college. Which with hard work she would do.

   This girl had no way of finding the man who is the father of this baby boy, Brandon.  All she knew is he went over seas to fight in a war.

   So this man did not know of his baby boy, Brandon. The man did not know that he was biologically a father.

________________________________

  Four years drudgingly slowly went by.

  Then one day the woman was walking down a street.

  And she by chance did look up. Guess who before her stood. He stood there with his hand out for to her take.

  But instead a hug she did take. She could not believe the man Brandon stood before her. Brandon, Jr.’s father.

  Although the woman decided to wait a little while longer to tell the man of his son.

   The man asked the woman to join him for dinner. Yes, he wanted to take her out on a date. As for saying yes. To this the woman did not hesitate.

  The next thing they each knew it was three months later.

   Now the man who once was a boy. Well, he now was down on one knee saying, “Will you marry me?”

  The woman says, “Yes“. But first he must meet someone.  She then takes him home with her. She walks in the front door and grabs the man by the hand. 

   She leads him to the little boy’s bedroom. Where the boy sits and plays with his toys.

  The woman then says to the man, “ Meet your son, Brandon, Jr. 

  The man is in shock. Then the next thing he knows the baby boy Brandon is running into his arms. The boys says to him, “  Daddy, are you here to stay”.

  The man then exclaims, “ I am here and forever more, my son”.

  The man and the woman a few months later marry. Guess what else. They went on to have many more children. Also they are married to this day.

  Most times you will find them in each other’s arms. Always together sharing life’s charms.

   Other times you will find them surround by their many grandchildren.

   ------------------------

   No, it was not love at first sight. But in the end in each other they found a love that time it does transcend. 

 Like them we each have our own love story. Don’t let it go untold. No matter what the outcome. All love stories need and should be told.

© Sandra Lucille Pottorff

My Story

Where to start. I was born in April in the yr of my birth. I was the youngest of 6 kids. I also was the only girl. I was an unplanned pregnancy. Even before my birth I was hearing in my mother's womb from what I have been told some very painful words. My mother spoke of me being a mistake, an accident. When I was born I had severe yellow jaundice. The docs were not sure I would live. They feared I would be born blind also. After a blood transfusion and a quick but complicated filled delivery I was find. The docs suggested that I should stay in the hospital for a week thou. But 24 hrs after I was born late at night my mother snuck out of the hospital with me.
From very little I can remember feeling a lone and like I did not matter to anyone. I have very few memories of my childhood before 7 yrs old. Later on I will explain why that is. But I do remember a few things. Then there are other things that I have learned from others.
I do have a memory of when I was 3 yrs old being scolded by my father. I remember setting at the table. Then suddenly my father removed his belt and told me to get in to the bathroom now. He took me in there and made me lean over the bath tub. He then proceeded to strap me with the buckle of his belt and beat me. I remember standing up and standing at the open bathroom door with blood trailing down my legs and my father saying don't you dare cry. He then sent me to my room.
I remember also the day when I lost much of my early childhood memories. I was 7 yrs old. My one brother was picking on me. I decided that if I went and told on him instead of picking back then maybe I wouldn't get in any trouble for once. I was wrong by far. 1st my father threw my brother in the stairs and made him go to his room. Then he picked me up and told me he hates tattling. He then threw me into a door. I woke up 15 mins. later in a daze. My father warned me to never tell my mother or he would punish me more he said.
I also was sexually molested by a brother who was 14 yrs older than me starting at the age of 2 and not completely ending until I was 7. No one other then him and one other person besides me knew this was taking place for years. I myself blocked it out for years to come and even while it was happening.
I was also molested as a teen by another family member from the age of 11-16. That is when I stood up for myself.
My reasons for telling my story are not what you might think. There is much more to this story so please READ ON!
At 11 I became sick and got worse and worse. At 12 my father beat me so bad one time I could not get out of bed for 2 weeks.
At 15 I became suicidal. I was on Prozac and other meds for a tummy condition. One day at the end of my rope I decided it was time to end it all. I was not your typical suicidal person. I made sure I gave no signs that this had happen. I had always been up till then a angel of a God fearing child. I made sure people did not know that deep inside that had changed. Then on that one day I was home alone, I took loads of the Prozac and tummy pills. Since then I have been told by those in the medical field that those pills should have killed me.
But instead I slept for 2 days. My parents though I was simply sick I would learn later. But at one point during those 2 days something happen. That something would be the first of many steps to major change in my life. I had a dream that I now know was more than just a dream.

The dream:
I heard a voice. A male gentle but strong voice. This voice said my name. All around me I saw nothing but dark. But in the distance I saw a light. It seemed to be where the voice was coming from. The voice said to me, "I love you" I asked the voice, "Who are you, how do you know me". He then said, "Your name is Sandra. My name is many different things to many different people. But to most he said it is the son of God, Jesus. I asked him why he was visiting me. That I was no one. He said to me on the contrary you are someone. You are my father's child. You are a gift to his world just as all his children are a gift. I asked him then why was I born into so much pain. I told him I just want to die. He said, "It's not your time". I said, " But no one cares about me. I want to make my father love me and the only way to do that is to go away. The voice then said, 'No". He said, " Your earthly father may not love you but your heavenly father does and has great plans for you". I asked, "Than why was I born into such a messed up family" He told me someday you will understand. He said he has always been there, that I have never been alone and never will be. He told me I will grow-up and find peace and happiness. He told me I was meant for something more. He then said wake up and never forget I love you.
I woke up and that very Sunday I walked into a church on my free will and accepted Jesus into my heart.
Now I am not going to tell you a lie. The road I traveled since was not the easiest. In time I had to learn to forgive my father, mother, brother, other family member who harmed me and all others also that harmed me.
I got saved at 16 but it was not until 11 years later that I would find my cure for my years of depression brought on by an abusive , low self- esteem of a childhood.
At 18 God brought me an amazing man. He was a non believer himself when we met. But he was a very good hearted man raised up in a loving home.
We had our ups and downs through the years in our marriages. But we stood by each other. Through the years and many heart breaks he became a reborn child of God also.
Right before I turned 25 my father lost his battle with cancer and heart disease. But before he past he asked me for forgiveness. It wasn't easy but I slowly but surely started to.
At the age of 27 with my then 6 yr old very ill daughter I walked into a church to have her prayed over. I approached the front of the church and the man who was speaking and praying over people touched me, Laid his hand on my head. But I looked at him and said no I am here for me daughter. This man did not know me or anyone that knew me. He said no you are here for me. He then started to pray and speak of my painful past. He knew that at 15 I had tried to take my own life. No one knew this, I had never told anyone. He knew that just a year and half earlier while pregnant with my youngest daughter I had been told I was going to die. I had become very sick. I had prayed that time to Jesus to look after my loved ones. I prayed and put it myself into his hands. I survived. the doctors called me a miracle. Now I was standing in that church 1 1/2 yrs later and my life was a the ultimate fork in the road. This time God took the pain of my childhood and banished it. I walked out of that church with a cure in my heart of all that had ailed me in my past. The depression in my life was going. It has not returned in the 11 almost 12 years since.
Today I have faced many loses. the deaths of unborn children, family, friends. But I have also been renewed. You ask what changed over time from 16-27 years of age. It was this. On that day that I knew that God could cure anything, banish any heart break. I found true peace because I found the road to no doubt. I had no doubt and still do that God/Jesus is real.
I can look back on my life and tell you many times when I thought how will I survive this or get through this. But I ran to God and I prayed in the name of Jesus and I survived and got through it. Today I do much more than survive. I fear not. For I know that the worse thing in life is not death but to lose ones soul. My soul is not lost but forever belongs to God. I have found peace in a world filled with anger, hate, vengeance, and war.
My life has been far from perfect. But it could of been much worse. I have been blessed in ways I can not easily put into words. But I have lived proof that God/Jesus is real. I am proof that miracles do happen.
There has been times when the miracles in my life were great. There has been times when the miracle has been small. Sometimes I could not see the miracle right in front of me. Sometimes what I thought was a curse sort of speak I later learned that God knows what he is doing. That is turned out to be a miracle. There was the miracle of God/Jesus saving my life in more ways than one. Then there is the miracle that even thou me and hubby are far from rich, somehow we manage each and every month to a pay the bills and meet all our family's needs.
I now understating the reason God/Jesus saved me. It is to be a mother and bring my children up in his word. It is to be his light by telling my story to others. It is to help others in any little way I can. The 15 year old suicidal girl I once was is no more. In her place is a reborn child of God who knows she is blessed to be alive in this life and that someday she will live with her loved ones in peace and paradise forever.

Copy Written: Sandra Lucille Pottorff

The Reward

I take the good with the bad
For I know in life there is so much to be had
Even in times of great sorrow
There is still much hope for tomorrow
For I have found a higher cause
That I know will never be put on pause
It's filled with peace
And eternal release
The reward is paradise and so much more
For this life's hardship I know I can indore
I never once walk alone
For with me there is one
He is more powerful than all others
He knows all my joys and bothers
Through him of my worries I have found release
He has given to me a deep inner peace
For him I will go
Where ever he sends me for this I know
He is my destiny
He inside me lives contently
So I can shine his light
To this world that seems to be in such a plight
Give others hope
To see the broader scope
To know he is there
And does care
He bulids one up
Fills their spiritual cup
Makes one stronger
And want no longer
Knowing he will provide what in life is needed
He has planted in us an eternal seed
So don't worry
Run to him, hurry

Copy written by: SANDRA LUCILLE

Walk a little way
Meet in the middle
Don’t let your heart go a stray
This is not such a riddle
Love takes compromise
Understanding that is beyond measure
So of this be wise
And you can hold a life’s great treasure
Take the good and work on the bad
We all have flaws and faults
Of this we can all be assured
Fairy tale love and fables are for children to be had
True love is not perfect
Only nurturing it will make it grow
But this I suspect
Or rather I know
Not all are ready
Not at the same age
Some are to greedy
To turn loves page
Not ready to take the good with the bad
Need time themselves to grow
So of this don’t be mad or sad
Because in your own time you will know loves glow
But first you must learn to walk just a little
Giving into compromise
Meeting somewhere in the middle
Through life, of this you will become wise
　
　
copywritten by: Sandra Lucille